Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Waking up Anxious and Afraid

I hate the feeling of waking up anxious. The pit in my stomach as my eyes open. Especially on the days when I don’t even know why I am feeling this way. It makes me feel like the day is going to be impossible to get through. The thought of getting up and doing everything I have to do is so overwhelming.

There have been times in my life when I have spent weeks or months waking up like this. The last time was when I was suffering from postpartum anxiety (link to that blog post here). I spent a good 3-4 months waking up this way. Every morning I would awake and feel so alone, sick and depressed. Thankfully it stopped happening on a daily basis and now it doesn’t happen to me that much. However, a few times this past week I woke up anxious and afraid.

When I don’t know why this is happening it makes it worse. If I am leaving to go on a trip, drive a far distance, go places and do something I have never done before then the morning anxiety is par for the course. I expect it. I know the anxiety will be with me all day until I conquer my fears. The day will still be hard but waking up like this doesn’t have me too concerned. I know it is temporary and as soon as the event is over I will start waking up without feeling anxious again.

When I wake up anxious out of the blue then I really start to worry. I am afraid I am about to go through another rough patch with my anxiety. How long will it last? Why is it here? What am I doing wrong? I know this past week I had a lot going on. I just got back from vacation and I had relatives in town. Plans were up in the air a lot. There was talk of doing some things that made me anxious. However, I have been doing so well with my anxiety lately. I wasn’t expecting to wake up with my anxiety so strong.

It’s also a reminder that I am still struggling with my anxiety. That I will always be struggling with it. That this is not the last time I will wake up like this. There will be plenty more mornings like this in my future. It can feel depressing but it always gets better when I get up and start moving.

I  just keep moving and eventually I stop thinking about how anxious I am. I think having kids helps me. I don’t have a choice about getting up in the morning. My toddlers wake me up and I have to take care of them. My husband has already left for work so I have no choice but to get up and start getting them ready for the day.

Before I had kids it could be so easy to stay in bed and keep thinking all my anxious thoughts. I could even call out sick if I needed to. Now I don’t have that choice and I think it’s for the best. I get distracted focusing on them and my anxiety eases. No matter how painfully anxious I can feel when I wake up, I always get up, keep moving and get through the day.

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Waking up Anxious and Afraid

  1. I still struggle with waking up most mornings anxious (and a touch depressed). And it’s been this way for a long time. But what I’ve learned is to be kind to myself, wake up earlier, and ease my way into my day…just take my morning routine a little slower. It’s nice to hear that your kids are helpful for your morning anxiety. That’s good to know…not planning on becoming a mom for a long time but maybe someday?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh believe me, it’s hard for me to wake up earlier too! Left to my own devices I also sleep in! My partner forces me to get out of bed haha. Whatever method works for you tho, it is helpful to wake up earlier because it helps a lot not to rush first thing in the morning.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I literally want to cry right now. I am currently single and struggling with anxiety and depression. I’ve always wanted to be a mother and lately with my condition I worry that I won’t be able to have kids because how can I have kids when I’m an anxious mess? But this blog just gave me a hope that being a mom can one day be possible for me, and that children can actually be a blessing for my anxiety 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so happy to hear this post helped you. I know exactly how you feel. I used to think I needed to “cure” myself of all anxiety before I could have kids. I was very scared to get pregnant but I can’t imagine my life now without my kids. They give me the courage to do things because I don’t want my anxiety to hurt them. My need to take care of them and make them happy is a great distraction. I have been meaning to write a post about this and I will soon….You will be a wonderful mom. Don’t let your anxiety take that away from you!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s